March 12, 2011 - C.O.R.N.Y.'s leadership is no more. Their last competent commander, if you can call him that, was shot and killed in battle against the Texas Militia. It is believed that Chuck Norris himself personally took him out with an assist from the Georgia and Illinois Militias. The battle took place just outside Prince William County, formerly thought of as C.O.R.N.Y. territory until the Marine Corp decided to throw them out. Hundreds of Marines from Quantico would nightly disobey orders and launch small attacks up and down the County to destroy the communists.

March 12, 2011 - The Cong's last (and almost illiterate) Democratic leader has been caught in Fairfax County. Maxine Waters thought she could blend in with the poor in the shanty town she helped create due to the fake Global Warming, Health and other various Communistic bills. She was found out by Militia when she was trying to organize a rally in Washington, D.C. for her husband's bank in Massachusetts. She was already investigated for her role in getting stimulus money to that very bank but it was squashed by the war criminal Holder and the Justice Department. The trial is set for 4 weeks from today.

March 11, 2011 - Alexandria, Virginia - Army Attack Helicopters assaulted a convoy leading Rahm Emanuel, Hillary Clinton and Ben Bernanke away from the field of battle. Although ordered by Admiral Mullen and the Joint Chiefs to not participate any further in the domestic revolution, Captain Panagi was quoted as saying, "I couldn't help myself in aiding the Militia. We saw the Communists and all I could think of was how Obama or anyone else could think they could destroy the greatest country on earth. I just wish we had gotten Hillary and Rahm." The two war criminals are reported to still be on the loose.

March 11, 2011 - Chavez, former Marxist Leader of Venezuela was captured at a CITGO station outside Washington D.C. . The "Boys from Cali' as they call themselves along with The Vermont Militia and the usual blood-thirsty Texan Patriots were among those who captured him. As they pulled him from the gas tank, one of the militia commanders named Rodriguez played 'La Cucaracha' loudly with his iPod causing riotous laughter among the other Patriots. Chavez had sought the safety of Washington D.C. right after Obama began his Media Purges in January, after his own Chavistas were defeated by Colombia in the War he started in 2010.

March 11, 2011 - Since before the Revolution, it was Andrew Breitbart, Michelle Malkin, Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly who led the way against the Marxists in I.S.U.E. and C.O.R.N.Y. Now in the final weeks of the Second American Revolution, Michelle Malkin has announced her candidacy for the Senate in the elections that are to take place 60 days after Obama is captured. Breitbart is still leading the Breitbart Brigade and is seeing heavy action against Obama's minions and just last night he was instrumental in the defeat of Hamas and the Ameritroops in King George County.

March 2011 - Northern Virginia - In what may become one of the most ironic news stories of this incredible Second American Revolution, Alex Jones was released from the last known FEMA camp still in operation within the 50 states. Jones was found emaciated and in poor health but apparently still with a sense of humor - one militia man swears up and down he heard Alex joking, "If I had known I'd lose this much weight in a FEMA camp, I'd have gone years ago!" Jones was well known for his supposed 'conspiracy theories', most of which have now been proven true. His film projects, such as "Camp FEMA", which warned of the potential use of the FEMA camps as concentration camps, made headlines nationwide in 2009.